To tell her that you're gone
by Crazy Mokis
Summary: How can we cope with the loss of something unexpectable? (it is the first fic i wrote and i've never revised so be indulgent)


TO TELL HER THAT YOU'RE GONE  
  
Author: Mokis. Samba_pa_ti24@yahoo.es  
  
Rating: I don't know. In my country a PG-13.   
  
Summary: How can we cope with something unexpectable? Character death.  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Feedback: Wanted but not expected  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of CSI. I only write for my own and others amusement.  
  
Author's notes: No one beta this, so maybe you'll find some mistakes, 'cause english is not my native language. The part about the crime scene is not very well written, but i don't give a damn 'cause the important in this story are the thoughts of the other characters. Oh, and i promise someday i'll write something funny.  
  
TO TELL HER THAT YOU'RE GONE by Mokis  
  
How am i supposed to do this? This can't be happening. Can you tell me how i'm goin' to tell her that you're gone? You should have gave me more time to learn how to cope with her fragility once i, we all, tell her you're not here anymore.   
  
For you it's easy. You have ran away without any explanation, only thinking about yourself and leaving us alone. I'm not wonderwoman, how will i be able to take care about them, keeping them together as we have been for the past few years? And the most important thing, Will i be able to help her? Will i find the right words? Will i be able to tell her to move on and continue with her life, when i know for sure that today, not only your life, but hers too, has been taken off of this world?  
  
You need more than a decade to tell someone that you are madly in love with her, and only five minutes to leave her life without any warning. I've seen for more than three years your personal dance. Been there when you needed help to understand what was wrong. Been with her all the times you've turned her down. Have i been such a bad friend and co-worker to dark my life with this responsability? I'm not the strong woman you believe i am, and you know for sure, that i've never been good at these kind of things, no matter what you said about my ability at dealing with people.  
  
Excuse me if i leave you for a moment, but i need some fresh air. I still can't believe this is happening to me. I need to think.  
  
A few hours ago  
  
"Ok people. Seems we have a busy night today and since we have our Warrick and Sara off tonight, i'm bringing Greg with us." Gil Grissom, supervisor of the graveyard shift, said to his coworkers, Catherine Willows and Nick Stokes.   
  
"So, what have we got?" asked Catherine.  
  
"Let's see. Nick, you're down to the Bellagio's. Someone has tried to blow up a suite in the middle of a discussion with his "wife". They have tried to stop him but he has escaped, then checked the registration. A great false name."  
  
"Wow that really thrills me out. See ya later"  
  
"Catherine, you have a raped woman and Greg and I have triple murder down at the strip. So let's get movin'"  
  
When all people set, he left with greg to his murder scene. It was supposed to be a long but easy night. A perfect crime scene to have Greg started. They collected all the evidence, easily find a suspect and then go with the police to the suspect's home.   
  
It all happened in thirty seconds. Door open, the suspect inside with three friends, four guns, police officers shooting back, Greg and he in the middle of all and when it seemed that all of them, suspect and friends were dead or arrested one hand raised and shot the mortal bullet.   
  
He felt a strong pain in the middle of his chest. He was, now, on his knees looking around, searching for a familiar face to explain him what was happen. His hand was covered with his own blood. For the first time in his life, he was not understanding anything. The last thing he remembered was Greg yellin' something at him while sobbing. Then, nothing, only darkness. Deep inside of him, he knew that was the end. No bright lights, no family waiting to show him how incredible heaven was. Even though, he was catholic, he had lost his faith bein' only a child. But it wasn't something scaring. He had waited for this peace for a long time. He had desired to find it in another sitouation but, at that moment, the only thing he was regretting before leavin' the world, was not had tell her how much she meaned in his life. Then, he close his eyes forever.  
  
Back to present time  
  
Hey man, nice shot. Believe that's not how you supposed to leave this world, but it still is a nice shot. Yeah, for the tone of my voice in my mind, you can tell i'm really angry. And now, what is left for us? Yeah, sure we will continue with our lifes, but if the indestructible has been reduced to nothing but a cold body, what i'm supposed to think? I cannot stand anymore how life is. I'm not sure anymore i can now believe in justice anymore and that, with this job i have, i can make the world a better place. I don't believe that anymore.  
  
The worst part of this, is that you have left one thing unfinished. You have left us with the responsability of telling her you're not here anymore, that you really loved her. That you won't be here to tell her your feelings, to play the game "I care about you but i can't allow myself to show it" anymore. I can't hold this responsability, so i guess, i will pass it to Catherine. In fact, i have always looked at her like if she was our mother while at work, so i will do what all sons do, leave the responsability to their parents.   
  
A strange life with a strange ending. I always thought you would be there to get my sons asleep telling them adventures from our times as CSI. I always thought you would be here for me, keeping an eye on me. Seems we finally made a family around you. And i know that, in your way, you cared for us.   
  
I have to go out of here. I don't want to remember you like a cold body. I want to remember you as my boss and above all as my friend. Because, that's what i want to think, that we were friends.  
  
"Cath, are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah, i'm fine. Let's have this finished."  
  
"Yeah, but i can't do it. You have to tell this to her. I don't think i would stand her reaction."  
  
They met in a hug that seemed to be an eternity and only lasted a few seconds. They both were crying.   
  
"Ok, let's do it" Catherine said, and then she began to dial Sara's number on her cell as Nick was doin' the same but callin' Warrick.  
  
"Sidle"  
  
"Sara, it's Cath. I need to talk to you, as soon as possible. Meet me outside the lab."  
  
"What has happened?" But she didn't have an answer.  
  
She grab her keys and headed to the lab. When she arrived there, she saw Catherine, Nick, Greg and Warrick with a pale and emotionless face. That moment, her worst fears became a reality.  
  
"What has happened?" she yelled.  
  
"Sara, Grissom is dead." Catherine said fastly.  
  
She felt her world turning upside down and a strong pain in her stomach. And then, nothing.  
  
And when the unavoidable will come, i will only have the thought of what could have been and never was.  
  
THE END  
  
"Em costa imaginar-te absent per sempre,   
  
tants records de tu se m'aculumen,  
  
que no deixen espai a la tristesa,  
  
I et visc intensament sense tenir-te."  
  
Poema a Dolors. Miquel Martí i Pol  
  
"It's difficult to imagine you gone forever. So many thoughts of you i have that i can't feel the sadness and i 


End file.
